the night's disguise is wearing thin

It sure is nice to be home and kick back and not worry about too many obligations. I guess this is due to the fact that I don't have many people in Buford I don't hang out with. Whereas in the dirty V, I get about 2 trillion calls a day to hang out and do stuff. I have also realized summer is basically half over and I haven't done much of what I've wanted to, other than take it easy. I've wanted to read a lot of books, and I'm only half way through my first one (though it is very good. I want it to last {that's what she said}).

I get home from work. And eat dinner. And do something or another with my brother. Then get to sleep pretty early. Stupid work.

We finally got some internet here in the Morgan household. It's been fun to get an old computer calibrated and fixed up to handle such an institution. Viruses and everything.

Haven't been to church in 30 years.

I write sometimes:

I was told once by a man on the street that a man’s life is random, slow, thoughtless, fast, and organized. He told me this was true because a person’s life never stayed the same, nobody can be “frozen in time” as I have often heard. “I chose long ago to never be content with where my life was,” he told me. He stared just above my head to a street sign that would appear more like an awkward hat if a person had crooked depth perception. I was unable to tell if he had a lazy eye or if he was just a chameleon in disguise. “It’s when you’re content that you should be most afraid.” I pondered on this for a moment as he hummed a low guttural groan. “If you are satisfied, you are not moving forward.” While this was all quite fascinating, I was losing interest. It sounded like one of those lectures you knew was completely true, but you’d never really realize it until it actually happened to you.

I'm sailing on a ship

...that's bound for life.

Phil Wickham is the man. So is Billy Currington.

I just realized that it's 4 AM Sunday morning and I've been awake since 6:45 Saturday morning. The Peachtree was fun. However, I now feel like an old man because my knees are killing me.


Sometimes, it is difficult to keep the important things in mind.

Well

I should really keep up with this thing more. But I am having a difficult time even managing myself. My room and apartment are pretty disgusting. I'd really like to clean it but running away home for the rest of the semester seems easier. Of course, I'll have to clean this place right after I get back from a much needed vacation to Sanibel Island for the first week of August. This will be my first real vacation in a couple years (the last time being to the island just south of Sanibel). This is extra cool because my godfamily (is that a word) invited us to go, so we don't have many of our own expenses. Which is good because we can't afford to take vacations ourselves. Surprise.

I've felt like a selfish tool lately. Time to fix that, I guess.

Summer has made me promises.

Well

Been a while since I updated.


Let's keep it that way.

Narrow

We really are always caving in about ourselves. We try to get through narrow tunnels and passageways as we weave our way farther and darker down and then we get the feeling that something strange might be lurking around in this blackness. And then you realize that you have to really strip away that part of you. Peel back each little slice. Because this is the you that you feel you are, when you lay down, maybe not even during the night, and you close your eyes, and with your tired mind, you try to form thoughts. And you want so desperately to clear your head to even imagine being able to think at a time like this. And when you can finally think, you think about the things you’ve done that you don’t like. And you feel sorry, ashamed. And you think about how cliché it all sounds, but right now you don’t care. Where did caring ever get anybody? And you silently know to yourself, this isn’t how you’re supposed to be. But you don’t know any other way, so you keep on and no big deal. No big deal.

I finally read it.

My godmother sent me an e-mail not too long ago. I never read it, knowing I'd need it for another time. After finally reading it, I think that a time when these words aren't needed does not exist:


Taylor,
This song is for you today from Jesus.
I hear Jesus today...I see Him. Today. Some days He is not so clear to me. Some days my view of Him is obstructed. Some days, I can't see Him because a million other sights and sounds have captured my attention. Yet it does not mean He is not there. He shows up in every minute, every breath we take. He is there. It comforts me to know this on the days that are cloudy...and on nights when there is only darkness around me....You know, one of my favorite things to do is to lay on the ground at night and look up at the night sky. I love that perspective. Flat on my back looking up at a universe that God created....a million stars in the sky..and I feel so safe with rock solid ground under me. I imagine at those times the ground hard and solid and so big, to be His hand under me...holding... me... safely stretched out on it....and I imagine the sky to be a beautiful view that He and I look at together. The stars, they take my breath away and I am always reminded of Psalm 8. "When I consider the heavens the works of your fingers the moon and the stars which you have created....what is man that you art mindful of Him or the son of man that you do care for Him......." I love that feeling of God's hand holding me come what may...and some nights when I look up...the clouds obscure the view....the stars cannot be seen....and all seems.....gray and dark......I have walked on a cloudy night with rain and drizzle falling around me...and God has spoken to my heart , "though it is dark, though the stars are obscured from your view....It is not dark to me and the stars are still there though hidden by passing clouds at this moment" Those words reassure me...now when I walk and I see a cloudy sky, I say to myself, the stars are still there, simply hidden right now, and soon...just a little further down the road... I will see them again. It comforts me and reassures me that God sees them now. God has helped me to see...it is like this with Him....the heavens declare the glory of God the universe a remarkable display of His creativity and every man's face a masterpiece ....In His image...He created man. God comforts my heart, that He is close and so near....and that He shows up in the seconds of my days...even when I can't see Him. He is here. Emmanuel...God with.....me. God with us.
It is something that gives me Hope on the darkest and scariest days.....the days when I feel that I have blown it....or the days when I worry that I have let someone down.....the days when try as I might...I search and search and I can't see Him or feel Him..or even touch Him....it helps me to know and remember that when I can't see Him or feel Him and all seems like it could be lost.....God is not lost. He can see me. He can feel me. He knows where I am. He will not let go. He never lets go.
He has made many promises and though I have made a few and lived to break them....He keeps every promise He ever made to me...and the one I hold most dear when I am afraid ...of myself...or life....or others....the promise that He made that comforts me and encourages me most is this......"and no one can take them out of my hand....."
You are loved so deeply and powerfully by the creator of the universe....on your best days and on your worst days....watch Him Taylor, see how He loves you...
Lexi gave me a song recently I want to give it to you today...it seemed it was straight from God's heart to mine....it was a rough day for me...the day she brought me this song...a day filled with sadness.....and the sky was gray...and I could not see...Him...and through the song…He reminded me....that I can't get away from Him...and that is the one thing I have feared the most throughout my life in Christ...I was afraid that one day..I might....get away from Him...and the words of this song were a reassurance to me that I can't get away from Him...He's got me. He's got you Taylor, and He loves you with a love that will not let you go...If you want to hear the song click on the blue letters at the bottom of this page..I like it.......and through it He reminded me that though I did did not know where I was going....He did and He was holding me....refusing to let go..and I could trust the one who was leading me even through the dark when I could not see.....I pray that if you listen to it...you will be reminded of how close He is to you...even when the sky is gray and you don't know where you are going....It is a wonderful assurance that He does. Psalm 139...The song "cant get away" by rush of fools.
You are an arrow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0fk1Rtvf5E

jennette (an old friend)

Throw a Stone

Sometimes I imagine myself as a stone that has been smoothed down by lake water located deep within a forest where wild animals often come to drink. It is here that I sit from my spot on the beach where I am small and insignificant and watch until a passer-by kicks me over and all I can see is dirt.

I like the idea of being a rock that fits perfectly in a person's hand. Not completely smooth but not quite jagged. The weight is right and is that perfect kind of heavy and gives the indication that this rock would be perfect to throw. So though it feels nice sitting in your hand and you feel like you might want to take it home and use it as a paperweight, throw it. Throw it far and throw it hard. Throw it. Throw me somewhere I've never been.


Just some wishful thinking. Too bad rocks can't move on their own.